Don't miss your life.

In an earlier post, I explained the situation Jon & I are facing this next year.  The only way for us to not spend yet another 12 consecutive months apart is for me to fly back and forth every three months.  Maybe some of you are thinking we're a little crazy.  But, it's not as crazy as you might think.  Below are the lyrics to a song which might help you understand why we're making this decision.  It's called, "Don't Miss Your Life," by Phil Vassar.  (Here's a link if you want to listen to it, as well.)  When Jon & I are old and gray and sagging here and drooping there, we're not going to say, "You remember that year right after deployment?  It wasn't very smart to have flown back & forth; after all, it was costly, inconsistent, and unstable."  No.  We're going to remember the memories we made together overseas, the moments money can't buy, and the stories we'll tell our grandchildren about.  That's why we're doing this.  These are the moments we can't get back.


 "Don't Miss Your Life" by Phil Vassar


On a plane to the West Coast, laptop on my tray
Papers spread across my seat, a big deadline to make
An older man sitting next to me said, "Sorry to intrude,
Thirty years ago, my busy friend, I was you
I made a ton of money and I climbed up the ladder
Yeah, I was superman, now what does it matter?

I missed the first steps my daughter took
The time my son played Captain Hook in Peter Pan
I was in New York, said 'Sorry son, Dad has to work'
I missed the father-daughter dance
The first home run, no second chance
To be there when he crossed the plate
The moment's gone, now it's too late
Fame and fortune come with a heavy price
Son, don't miss your life."

Funny you should say that, I was sitting at the gate
My daughter called, she made straight A's and they're off to celebrate
Scrolling through the pictures of my little family
My daughter with her mom and friends, not a single one with me
They know I love 'em, I know they know I care
The truth is half the time, I'm not even there

I missed our fourth and fifth anniversary
Our girl was early by a week
Her sister had to hold her hand
I was in L.A., she said, "I understand."
I missed her first day of school
Man, what kind of crazy fool
Lets such precious moments pass?
We all know time goes way too fast
Hold on tight 'cause it don't happen twice
Don't miss your life

When I get off this plane, I'll buy a turn-around ticket
Saturday's her eighth birthday and I'm not gonna miss it

There'll be balloons and birthday cake
And I'll clean up the mess they make
My mom and dad are drivin' in
I haven't seen them in God knows when
My wife will probably say to me,
"I thought you were supposed to be in Portland
For a few more days," I'll take her in my arms and say,
"I heard some words that hit me hard last night,
A man said: 'Don't miss your life.'"

20 years

I've been on this earth for 20 years today.  That's so weird for me to think about.  When another decade passes, it seems so much bigger than just another year.  If I can go from being a helpless baby girl who doesn't know how to do anything except cry for what she wants to being a young woman with opinions, passions, and ideas of her own in 20 years, I'll bet I can do a whole hell of a lot with my next 20 years.  I hope I never lose sight of how much potential lies in each day I'm alive and well.  Below is a compilation of 20 random facts you may or may not know about me, because, hey, why not?

1.  I came into this world at 9 lbs. 6 oz.  I was a big baby.

2.  I will almost always choose fruity gum over minty gum.

3.  I prefer to work out in the afternoon or evening.

4.  I am an introvert.  (And if I act like an extrovert around you, it's probably because I trust you.  Or I'm drunk.)

5.  Incorrect grammar annoys the hell out of me -- I'm one of those people who cringes every time they see someone use "your" in place of "you're."

6.  I don't text very much.

7.  I sometimes walk around my apartment naked.  And by "sometimes," I mean "right after my shower."

8.  I do not have a roommate.  (I felt this fact was necessary due to #7.)

9.  I prefer red wine over white wine.

10.  I was in the Honors College at Michigan State University.

11.  My eldest brother calls me "sis," my second-eldest brother calls me "KK," my third-eldest brother calls me "Kaitlin"......and pretty much everyone else calls me "Kate."

12.  I have one tattoo and five piercings (ears included).

13.  I have never eaten a pickle.

14.  Washing the dishes soothes me.

15.  If you ever see me out driving, you will probably also see me singing along to the radio.

16.  I think the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice is far superior to the 2005 version.

17.  I am allergic to basically anything with fur and anything that has to do with trees or plants.

18.  I wanted to be the tooth fairy when I grew up.

19.  I still want to be the tooth fairy when I grow up.

20.  I have the best mom ever.  She brought me into this world 20 years ago today, and she's had my back ever since.

The Showdown: Grandpa vs. Swan

The other day, I visited my grandparents at their nursing home.  My grandma has a more difficult time getting around, but my grandpa and I went for a walk around the pond on the grounds.  As we walked, we spotted a swan in the middle of the path up ahead of the curve.

I said to my grandpa, "If that swan's still there when we get to that point in the path, will it attack us?"

Maybe I'm a little naïve, but I was seriously apprehensive about a giant bird flying up and snapping at me.

To which my grandpa replied, "Oh, if it's still there, I'll just growl at it and it will move."  He's so cute.

So, on we walked.  Finally we rounded the path, and there sat the swan.  Grooming itself.  Smack-dab in the middle of our way.

Thus began the showdown.  Grandpa vs. Swan.

Grandpa slowly advanced, while the swan eyed us warily.  "Go on," my grandpa said, as if he expected the bird to know exactly what he was saying.

The swan paused.  Did some more wary-eyeing.  "Shoo," my grandpa repeated.  The swan slowly retreated.  Grandpa proceeded on his way, the victor.

Grandpa: 1

Swan: 0

Remembering our fallen soldiers.

Memorial Day is a day to remember the heroes of our country, of our lives, and of our families.  Those who have given their lives in the ultimate sacrifice -- to preserve our freedom and keep us safe.  Listed above are the fallen soldiers from Jon's brigade over the course of this deployment.  My heart goes out to their families, along with the families of every fallen soldier.  May they know their sacrifice was not in vain.

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

I've never been athletic.  Other than taking a gymnastics class and playing soccer for a season when I was a little girl, I've never been into sports.  I'll watch them every once in awhile, but don't expect me to give you a play-by-play.  In addition, I've never been into working out.  My metabolism and I have been good friends my whole life; so, I just figured I was one of those lucky people who could eat whatever they want whenever they want without ever gaining weight, and that it was my duty to take advantage of that.  Recently, however, I started following a tumblr called Muffin Top-Less, created by Savannah Rose Neveux.  The way she talked about health and fitness was refreshing and inspirational.  She not only laid out the facts, but did so in a way that someone like me (with only basic health & fitness knowledge) could easily understand.  I was drawn to her story like a teenager to the fridge.  I knew living a healthy lifestyle was important, but I was never motivated to make the necessary changes to do so until I happened upon her blog.  I threw myself into eating clean and strength training, and am currently five weeks in.

It's not about the number on the scale to me.  I had a thin build to begin with, so dropping a lot of weight isn't my goal (everyone is different).  My focus is two-fold: building muscle and eating clean.  I want to build muscle that will, 1) burn more calories just maintaining itself, 2) give me more energy throughout the day, and 3) strengthen my body to prevent injury.  However, eating clean is my most important focus.  As many fitness experts will tell you, diet is 80% of your results.  You can sweat and pant and train in the gym until your muscles give out, but if you're not eating right, you likely won't see the results you are working so hard for.  I cut out soda, cow's milk, refined sugar, refined flour, simple carbs, crackers, cookies, ice cream (if you know me well, you know this one was extremely difficult!!), butter, packaged dinners, fast food, and alcohol.  The things I wanted to keep in my diet, I switched to a fat-free version (ranch dressing and cheese).  I increased my vegetable, lean protein, and complex carb intake, and only drink water, green tea, or almond milk.  About once a week, I will have a "cheat meal," something strongly recommended by Savannah Neveux -- a reasonable portion of whatever I want (so anything from the long list of yummy sugary fattening things above).  It helps to know that when I've been wanting a slice of pizza for three days straight, I can have one and move on, rather than wallowing in the fact that I'll never taste that cheesy-greasy-carb-ridden goodness again.

Like I said, I'm five weeks into this new lifestyle, so I'm still learning what works for me and what doesn't.  I know I have a ton to learn, but I'm really enjoying it as I go.  I know a lot of people's opinions on eating clean and training mean can be summed up in the following picture:

To be honest, this is how I felt before I decided to make a change.  But the truth is, I feel so much healthier and alive by eating right and pushing my body to reach its limits than I do by eating what's easy & cheap and lying around like a slug.  Our bodies are complex, but at the same time, they're quite simple:  Input crap, you feel like crap.  Input good foods, you feel good.  You wouldn't dump the wrong kind of gasoline in your car, refuse to perform routine maintenance on it, and genuinely expect it to not break down on you.  The same goes for your body -- except while you can replace a ruined car, you can't replace the one body you've been blessed with.  You're the only one who can choose to challenge yourself to change into the person you want to be.

13 tips to make a long-distance (or any!) relationship work.

You've heard the myths.  "Long-distance relationships are doomed from the start."  "People in LDR's grow apart too easily."  "It's difficult to maintain the passion a relationship needs to thrive when in a LDR."  If anyone knows about long-distance relationships, it's me.  My husband and I have been apart for 88% of our total relationship, and 86% of our marriage.  We crammed as much life, passion, and love as we could into that 12% we were on the same continent, but believe it or not, that's not what's been keeping us together.  See, people seem to think that when in a LDR, the time spent together is the fuel for the times spent apart.  Eventually your gas tank reads 'Empty,' and you need to spend time together again to "fill the tank."  I think this mindset is what kills a LDR before it's even started.  Because the first step in making a LDR -- or any relationship -- work is having the right mindset.

#1.  Time spent apart is just as valuable as time spent together.
Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary defines a relationship as, "a romantic or passionate attachment."  Such attachment must be maintained to be happy in a healthy LDR.  So, while it is important to spend time together physically when you can, it's more important to lay a solid foundation by understanding that the "passionate attachment" can and should be maintained during the times apart, as well.  And, there are certain things, in my opinion, that are most crucial to this maintenance.

#2.  Communicate about communicating.
Communication takes many different forms -- talking, smiling, touching, writing, typing, etc.  But people in a LDR have a much more limited choice of how to communicate with their partner.  A key component in making sure a LDR remains strong and steady is to be clear about what you're saying and why you're saying it.  Cut the emotional games.  That shit's for teenagers.  I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain to my husband, "When you say this, it makes me feel like that."  This kind of thing is important when the only communication you have with your S.O. is on a computer screen or through a phone.

#3.  Send gifts.
When you live with someone (or at least live in the same city as someone), it's easy to give them presents to show that you love them.  Don't let that slide just because you have to pay a little extra for shipping and handling.  Birthdays and anniversaries go without saying, but try to send "just-because" gifts, too.  They don't have to be big or extravagant -- some of the best are even homemade -- but surprising your partner with a little something in the mail every once in awhile is a good way to let them know that even though you're far away, your heart is still with them.


#4.  Be honest.
This is important in every relationship, even more so in one with as little accountability as a LDR.  It's absolutely crucial to be completely honest about anything and everything, even if it means 'fessing up about something you're not proud of.  Your guy or girl is trusting that you are being faithful and truthful about what is going on in your life, and being honest is the only way to respect the trust they've placed in you.  As the saying goes, "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair."


#5.  Leave love notes.
Email them.  Facebook them.  Text them.  Snail-mail them.  Send a card.  Spray your perfume or cologne on it.  Draw hearts and xo's.  Be creative.  And do it often.

#6.  Don't make threats when arguing.
The "long-distance" part puts a unique strain on the "relationship" part.  Because of this, it is especially important to not make empty threats when in a heated argument with your partner.  Threats cause hurt and damage; and, over a long period of time, they whittle away at the commitment to stay together and can weaken it until it breaks.


#7.  Never, ever hang up on each other.
You never know what could happen in the five minutes after you hang up that phone.  This is something Jon and I take very seriously, especially since he is in Afghanistan on a deployment.  No matter how angry we are with each other, we stay on the phone until we have sorted things out enough to know we are both okay.  Living life without regrets means making small choices like this to ensure that you don't have regrets.


#8.  Ask them about when they fell in love with you.
When Jon and I talk, sometimes it's easy to get into a mundane lull -- we talk about how our days were, what the next year is going to look like, whatever's on my mind, whatever's on his mind, financial stuff.....but every once in awhile, I'll ask him to tell me about when he fell in love with me.  I'm a detail person, so I make him tell me about every little feeling and moment that he remembers.  It makes me smile and makes my heart feel all big and cozy....and it makes me fall just a little bit more in love with him, too.


#9.  Remain physically faithful.
Um, obviously.  Don't even let yourself go there.


#10.  Remain emotionally faithful, and #9 will be easier.
It's no lie that you have to sacrifice things to be with someone in a LDR.  They aren't always there when you need a hug or need to cuddle or need comforting.  But, that doesn't mean you should be getting that from someone else of the opposite sex.  Each couple is different, so some people may be a little more lenient with their partner when it comes to opposite-gender friends and how physical they can be with them.  But a good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't talk to or act that way around your friend if your S.O. were in the room, you probably shouldn't be talking or acting that way at all.  Set boundaries for your heart, so your body won't betray you.  On that note...


#11.  Physical needs can wait.
I know, it doesn't feel like it.  Self-control is one of the strongest qualities a human being can have.  Denying oneself something they deeply desire out of love and commitment for someone else requires strength, maturity, and resolve.  But it can be done.  Besides, all the sparks and passion of the first time back together pretty much makes up for all the times missed while apart.


#12.  Sexy picktchas!
Just because you have to put a hold on physical activity for awhile doesn't mean you can't spice up the love life.  Sending sexy pictures is a good way to keep the heat turned up in a LDR.  Just be careful, because those pics are only for one pair of eyes!


#13.  Remember often why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Relationships take a lot of work, sacrifice, giving, and love.  It's normal to get frustrated and exasperated, and people in a LDR have to handle difficulties that other couples don't.  These difficulties can crowd into your heart and make you wonder why the hell you're putting yourself through this.  Don't let that question just hang there in the void and eat away at your resolve.  Face it, and answer it head-on.  Why are you in this relationship?  Why do you love this person?  Remind yourself often.  Remember how you felt when you first met, write a list of the things you appreciate about your partner, listen to songs you danced to, watch movies you saw together, look through pictures of the both of you.  Let the memories flood back.  Let your heart feel those flutters again.

New blog!....and a little about command sponsorship.

So, this is my new blog!  My old one, beautiful ashes, was my first venture into this blogging world, so it was kind of a trial blog; I never intended to keep it long-term.  I won't be posting on it anymore, and will eventually delete it.  This Great Adventure has a completely different feel and a slightly different focus; whereas beautiful ashes emphasized the hope of rejuvenated joy following life's losses, This Great Adventure emphasizes the joy of that life itself.  It will cover a wide range of topics (usually whatever's on my mind that day haha), and will be the method by which I can easily keep family & friends up-to-date on what's going on in mine & Jon's life.

Speaking of........  One of my last posts on beautiful ashes explained a process Jon & I were going through called command sponsorship.  We filled out a bunch of paper, made a bunch of phone calls, and sent a bunch of emails, requesting the Army to move me over to Germany while Jon finishes out the final year of his contract.  We exhausted every possible route by which we could live together this next year; but, due to the Army's time restraints, red tape, and frustrating rules, we were unable to be command sponsored, extend Jon's contract, or be PCS'd to a stateside location.  After taking a lot of time to think and pray about what step to take next, we decided that we would plan for me to fly back and forth to Germany during this next year.  Because I can only visit Germany for three months out of every six on an American passport, I will be back and forth several times.  I have to laugh about this situation, because after all we did to avoid having to do this, here we are.  The only other option was for Jon to stay in Germany and for me to stay here for 12 months; but, as we've been physically together for a total of about 2.5 months out of the 20 months we've been a couple (1.5 months out of 11 months married), we felt that being together as much as we can is the most important thing to us -- more than the cost and craziness of flying back and forth.  I'm really looking forward to it, because although it is completely out of my comfort zone (I rely on stability & consistency), I know it will be an exciting adventure filled with experiences I wouldn't have otherwise.  And, I get to be with my husband!  What could be better than that?!

So, that's the update.  Thanks to everyone who has been keeping us in your prayers; this deployment has been rough, but it's almost over (!!!) and we've been able to handle the difficulties and roll with the punches as they come.  I'm off to have a one-hour massage -- hope you enjoy this beautiful day!